The Adventures of the NSP

This Friendster Blog is rated Fster 2+ which means there is plenty of potty references, body functions & fluids, and also things that children do.  Do not read it you are eating, about to eat or are trying to digest food.

So this story initially starts on Thursday night.  I was excited for a night of being out with my friends like so many other nights.  I mean I hadn’t seen em in over a week.  Which to us is like forever.  I’m at my bestie Nathan’s house & have a couple of drinks.  I manage to twist his arm & get him to come out with me to Duvet to meet everyone else.  Saw soo many people as usual.  Danced a little bit, Brad & I did our best Mariah, had good times.  Then all of a sudden I felt a little hot.  So outside we go to hang out.  Then everyone decides to go their ways.  Hugs, kisses, making love to my face & then I’m off.  But I can’t shake a feeling of is it just me or is it too hot outside.  Ej seemed to be fine, what was up with me?  So now men, you know that feeling that when you get a cold or the flu?  You can feel it in your balls?  Well thats what started to happen.  I felt my forehead.  It was on fire.  So I get home & take my temp & it is a 101.  So I take tylenol & try to drink a lot of water.  Try to sleep.  Repeat til morning.

So I wake up on Friday morning & wa-la!  Temp back to normal & I feel ok.  It was like ok what the hell was all that about.  So I went about my normal day & did the things that I needed to do.  I went to my 2nd interview at Equinox which turned out to be at a different one than I was at before.  It also just happenned to be right across the street from the wretched bar that had just went under.  I was like hmmm, am I ever gonna get away from it?  Anyway, the interview went good.  The gym was great & the money sounds exceptionally nice.  The girl was really nice & asked me if I had any questions.  In my head I’m like, "Honey, at this point I will eat you out if you will just hire me!"  Out loud, "Why no, I can’t seem to think of anything.  Everything seems great!"  But just for the hell of it I decide to ask something.  So we banter back & forth.  She tells me that she thinks I’m great & that now I just need to meet the Head Area Manager So And So.  That he’ll call me on Monday.  Great!  Super! Can’t Wait!  I need a job yesterday!  SO I take my ass back to the train so I can get back home.  The train seemed to be moving at such a slow pace when all of a sudden I have this feeling in my stomach.  What’s this?  I normally have this timed, I know when to be near a bathroom at a time like this.  Preferably my bathroom, thats just me.  So I’m like, "Ok, I’m fine….I’ll manage."  The train is literally taking forever & a day!  When I get off the train I’m like ok just run home, then my stomach is like no, no, no!  So I’m like walk, briskly.  I manage to make it home & straight to the bathroom.  Imagine my surprise to find out that wonderful D word has replaced my regular bowels.  Automatically I know that this is not a good sign.  For whats left of the day I decide I’m gonna gym it.  Which I do but nothing too extrenuous.  Then back at home for a famous disco nap.  Because I was on a list for Opaline & it has open bar from 10-12.  Need to get there early afterall!.  So 8pm comes & I wake up to feel a bit hot.  My forehead is feling the same way from the night before!  Checking the temp & once again it is at 101!  There goes the night.  I was not about to go out & just make myself worse.  I hate being sick.  Who doesn’t?  I know but dammit I really fucking hate it.  Incredibly, truly, deeply, fucking hate it.  I try to sleep through the night but oh no….I’m too busy shaking to death.  I’m either freezing or burning up.  Temp now is 102.  What?!  I was like how much does this go up to again, I can’t remember.  I know Fever has always been one of my greatest hits but geez, I don’t wanna live it!  I should also add that during the night I’m reporting to the bathroom twice every other hour.  I’m running out of toilet paper.  Saturday comes & all I can do is lie in bed.  Only able to move when my ass decides it needs to mount the porcelain throne.  By this point I’m feeling like I’m geting raped every time I go.  Now in other blogs I know I say, "Can’t rape the willing!"  But in this one I’m screaming, "NO!!!"

Finally I decide that the hospital is the way to go since my temp is at 103.5 & by this point I had done my homework on google to know that soon I could be dead or almost passed out.  I also had pin pointed certain diagnose’s…maybe…but not sure.  What didn’t help was other peoples.  It just made me more neurotic & dramatic. I can be that way enough on my own.  But anyway, by the time I reached the hospital I was about to pass out & my temp went straight to 104.  I was scared.  I hate hospitals.  Everyone is soo sick & it just reminds me of death.  Also, the hospital near me is too ghetto to function.  Some little girl is running around sticking her hands on everything, mouth on nasty things & her mom was yelling, "Stop that! Now ur mouf gonna taste like shit!"  Great, thats all you need to do lady. Remind my ass what it needs to do.  Then I’ll be laying here in the floor passed out from my 104 temp & then I’ll die.  Wait, didn’t they make a joke on South Park that when you die you shit yourself?  What a way to go. 

They were apparently short staffed with only one doctor on duty so he was seeing everyone & some of the nurses were as competant as a Pillncil Dicked Cracka Ass Cracka with a black woman(shout out to EJ).  In other words, they sucked.  Larry was gonna be there for me.  So I’m like, "Can my friend be in here with me?"  The nurse just looks at me & is like, "No one is allowed to be with you right now."  Lady this is not helping my paranoia.  So the doctor asks me all my symptoms.  So I tell him & he aks if I’ve traveled.  Why yes, to Florida.  Then he asks if I had met anyone from Asia.  ARE there Asians in Florida?  If so I did not meet them.  He’s also like did you eat anything different there.  I was like well in the south there is a $3.99 buffett!  Other than that, no.  I mean if I had eaten something bad wouldn’t I have just felt it right away?  So then we tackle the next subjects & they come in the clear.  So he’s like, "I think you’ll be fine. You just need to get this out of your system & we need to get your fever down.  Here comes the iv’s. Ouch!  Next is the freezing washcloths.  All of a sudden I get flashbacks to when I was a kid & I would get seizures every year until I was 4.  Then I’d get fevers & the same thing would happen.  It’s one of the earliest memories for me & thats not a good one to have.  At this time in my head I’m like…it would be really nice if Larry was in here with me.  I ask the nurse & all she says, "I AIN’T UR NURSE!"  Dammit!  If I could I would break a bottle & cut you on the face with it.  Next to me…with only a curtain between us…I hear a woman throwing up.  Oh no! Can this get any worse?!  Nick, think happy thoughts:  dancing, singing, giving it to the fans, your blog, your friends, Shake It Off needs to be Number One, OPEN BAR! 

A few hours more & many incompetancies later, my fever finally breaks.  Next to me I hear the mother of that child talking to the puky lady.  She’s like, "Lil (insert random crazy name) called me a bitch & a ho."  So I faintly begin to sing In The Ghetto….and harmonize with myself.  Wait!  This must be a good sign, I feel good enough to talk smack & make jokes.  Maybe I’m not gonna die afterall.  Needless to say the doctor couldn’t say for sure what it was that I had.  Today is the first day where I was fever/headache/tired free.  The trip to the bathroom is also a lot better.  Now if you know me, you know I can’t bare to talk about such subject matter. But, I always write about whats going on in my life & literally this weekend was full of shit so why not write about it?  I promise the next one will be back to shenanigans & fun & good times.  ALTHOUGH (reader alert) if you are expecting to read about sexually explicit shenanigans they won’t be here.  I am currently harder to get into than Fort Knox.  This ride is closed until further notice.  Thank you

management

P.S

Guess…what?  The doctor told me no alcohol for a week bc that would aid in my dehydration.  If I ever find out what or who gave me this Ima beat that bitch with a bat & break a bottle & then cut em on a face just like dat.  And also Ima call em a bitch & a ho. 

In the ghetto….. In the ghettoooooo…..

There was a misty haze in the air today.  Kind of hot & a bit humid.  Was it gonna be a terrential downpour of rain or not?  Pretty much the way my life has been going.  It was an exciting summer & I definitely had my share of shenanigans & fun & good times.  You read the blogs right?  I quit NYSC, the place I grew to love to hate.  I somehow managed to become a man of leisure & still get paychecks.  I went back hardcore into dance classes.  I did the whole temp agency thing.  Went to Fire Island, DC & most recently Florida(more on that later) so I kept up my end of the New Years Eve resolution to travel more.  Hell I even went to Brooklyn a few times & as you all know thats considered traveling for me.  I met some cool people, had my share of men, grew up a little bit & even worked at a bar!  Just in case anyone doesn’t know, the bar shut down (thanks for trying Tommy).  SO I’m back to looking for work.  I’m gonna be doing freelance work for MTV & had an interview w/ Equinox so I may be making a return to the gym format…at least a much better one.  At this point I’m interviewing for everything.  Also, as we all know I had a show last month & I’ll be doing another one next month.  So getting back to that aspect of my life is exciting.  All in all the world that I’ve been living in has been completely crazy.  Pretty much like a Wonderland. 

As I sit here & watch that classic tale that became a Disney film, I can’t help but fill like Alice.  So in this Masters of the Gay Universe episode travel with me into a world of excitement.  A world where anything can happen, a city where one minute you’re living the high life & the next you’re having a quiet breakdown wondering just where your life is going.  Remember I was originally a theater major folks.  Like Alice, I can’t imagine reading a book with no pictures in it.  In my world you tend to sometimes have conversations that make no sense but all the more brilliant when you put it down.  In this city there are so many signs telling you where to go but you’re like why the hell am I following this damn rabbit when he’s soo late anyway.   Hmmm he must be late for open bar!  Sometimes you just accidentally fall down the hole & then there’s no where else to go but try to figure your way out.  Your amongst all the cute boys who are like the flowers.  All so different, one minute loving you & the next judging you for what you’re wearing, just how did you get those stems, where you live & what you do.  Its a place where there are little pills you can take to make you ever so big but then things to puff to ease your mind.  AND did I tell you that every party is like celebrating your un-birthday?  By the time its all done you need a diner & the next day’s hangover is making your head feel 3 feet high.  Somewhere some crazy homeless lady with her big ass & tons of bags is screaming, "Off with his head!"  You see how easy it is to compare Alice in Wonderland to the life that we New Yorker’s live?  It can be too much for a blonde guy whose favorite color is blue & just needs a nice big cup of honey & tea!

I have an excellent idea! Lets change the subject!  Well the venture to Florida was a hell of a trip.  Very exciting & loads of fun.  It definitely had its moments of drama though. The Orlando gays were not ready for what is The Brand New Hotness I should add.  To you Friendster Gays who live in Florida can you please get back to me asapenis & let me know just where the afterhours are???  Bc the place that I ended up, well lets just say the network executives are refusing me to write such explicit shenanigans.  As Alice is singing about how she sometimes gives herself good advice then very rarely follows it…I’m like, "hmmm….sister, you’re preaching to the choir & that’s my solo you’re singing!"  But anyway, all in all I had a wonderful time thanks to a certain person that a few of you have met.  I’ll keep names out of this to protect the not so innocent.  We stayed at a beautiful resort that had lazy rivers & golfing & can I just quote Pretty Woman in saying that the bathroom was bigger than the blue banana.  The bars in Orlando you ask?  Well if you’re expecting to get drunk then I would say pull a me & just stick to shots of Jeigermeister.  That did the trick on Saturday night which lead to the trick…(sorry, the exec’s are tapping me on the shoulder)

So anyways, back in New York where I feel much more me.  In this wonderland of craziness, trannies, guestlists galore, cute boys, do I really need to go on?  I can’t wait to get together for brunch, have group & discuss shenanigans.  Can’t wait to see my real life Caterpillars.  (As Missy says if you smoke then smoke up)  My real life Mad Hatter who once he has a shot of witty cannot stay on one subject. (If you tipsy stand up) Tweedle Dee & Tweedle Dum, I live for you two as one messes with all his hair & the other…Darling the spirits are telling me, "Danger!  Watch out for that big hole!"  Mister White Rabbit, since I am broke I WILL be making open bar & I’ll need 2 vodka crans!  To that angry queen:  Bitch stop hanging out with Tina, thats why you so angry trying to take off ur man’s head.  To the real life beautiful flowers that we’ll see out & about?  Most likely either me or one of my crew had you and oh wait, Mariah called & she said to Shake It Off!  And Kanye ain’t saying that you a Gold Digger but then again…you ain’t messin’ with no broke ****az. 

Now with all that being said, did I just wake up from a dream?  Is this my life or yours?  If so, welcome to Wonderland.  If not, then lemme borrow $5, that should get me through open bar for a bit.