The Adventures of the NSP

Well its Halloween Night & I’m watching the parade on New York 1.  Tonight I’m in such need of me, myself & I time.  So I’m staying in.  I’m gonna watch a scary movie & go to sleep kind of early(for me that is).  As I see the calls I’m missing on my phone, I think this…"Mad love to you all but tonight I just can’t."  To quote Anelle from Steel Magnolia’s, "My poor body just won’t let me do all the things that I wanna do."  But, don’t cry for me all you Friendsters….the truth is I have no voice due to my shenanigans of this wonderful Halloween weekend.  From Friday night to this morning I think I had a total of 8 hrs of sleep…maybe… if only I could count! 

As I sit here watching the parade, they just interviewed one of my former NYSC co-workers Kim.  She’s dressed as a giant piece of sushi.  She just said, "Eat me!!!"  Ewww, no thanks Kim.  We worked together yrs ago & I remember her telling me she wanted to be seen on tv so way to go Kim, too bad ur not on Friendster.  During the ‘01 season she wanted to go as a giant disco ball. But this was all after 9-11 & we were all still having thoughts that we’d be terrorized again.  So she decided not to just in case we were terrorized during the parade.  She said, "Can you imagine a giant disco ball running away for its life?"  Yes folks, we New Yorkers can be deliciousy dramamtic.  Speaking of, they just interviewed some gays dressed as trailer trash.  Oh my, can’t take the gays nowhere! 

Last night at a club there was a costume contest & everybody & their bf thought they needed to enter.  There were a few that was actually good & for the rest?  Well needless to say the drag queen ripped them to pieces & Peter Rauhofer(dj) would play a giant fart noise if somebody was really terrible.  Giving my word Juicy a whole new meaning.  The winner ending up being a guy dressed as Michaelangelo’s David, with full body silver paint & a giant penis attached.  I’m pretty sure he won bc of the penis. Please!!! Is it any doubt what the gays really want in life? 

Saturday night I ended up some of everywhere.  Since I’m low on funds I did not buy a costume.  I dressed in sexy tight black pants & see through black shirt.  I called it Slut Dujour.  50 bucks Grandpa, for 75 the wife can watch!  Started out at a house party, then a str8 bar party where I hobnobbed with these 2 girls dressed as Wilma & Betty.  Now as a kid I absolutely was in lust with Betty, she was way hotter. Plus we all know the reason why Bam Bam was adopted, Betty wasn’t about to fuck up her figure.  So needless to say i made sweet love to the girl Betty’s face a plenty as I was starting to get a buzz.  Then we went to Roxy where we got in free, mad love to you Scott.  Had a good time & the most action I got was giving a lap dance to this girl that was with us.  But I do have to say the music wasn’t great.  Junior Vasquez, you were not giving it to the fans.  No wonder Madonna won’t let you remix her stuff anymore.  Sorry for being catty but that brings me to the afterparty I ended up going to when we left Roxy.  It was an interesting time to say the least.  A porn from 1983 was put in & we all were giving commentary on the wonderful camera angles, the editing & the ‘acting’ abilities of the actors.  Poppers & queludes anyone?  J/k it was not that kind of party folks. 

This brings me to Friday night.  You may be wondering why I’m going in reverse.  Like Pulp Fiction, this weekend was literally all over the place.  On this night a lot of us decided that we were gonna rock the Madonnathon at Pyramid.  But before that I met up with Vadim at Billy’s where we watched some M on TRL & had pre-drinks.  I should go ahead & state that I had ‘forgot’ to have dinner.  I realized that Watermelon Vodka goes quite well with Grape Kool-Aid.  Thanks Billy.  So once having a nice little buzz we decided to get to Pyramid.  While walking there Vadim & I shared his Poland Spring water bottle.  Just in case you forgot, Vadim’s Masters of the Gay Universe character comes with a water bottle full of vodka.  The Madonnathon was hot hot hot.  I was giving it to the fans, from what I can remember & mostly from what I was told.  There is like a certain block of time that I just literally blocked out.  Now I do remember being on the box dancing with no shirt on.  I don’t remember vogueing.  I remember Todd giving me a free drink.  I didn’t remember buying a jeigermeister shot until Larry told me the next day.  I remember later in the night thinking I had lost money, but not realizing I had spent it on the shot.  I apparently saw everyone in the world I know & even people on Myspace.  The next day I went to login & saw that one of my myspacers put a bulletin talking about Pyramid & then saying on it that it was great to meet me.  I don’t remember this at all.  What a terrible way to make a first impression.  I also was apparently talking with some guy in a red shirt.  Hmmm, my magic eight ball says, "Memory hazy…please try again later."  All in all I had fun & if my shenanigans caused any problems, sorry.  You all know I live for you & when I see you again (sober) I will make sweet love to your face!  Its like what Puck said in A Midsummer Night’s Dream about if we shadow’s do offend then…..then….well damn!  If only I actually did read & if only my short & long term memory wasn’t shot all to hell. 

So I’ll leave in saying this. Halloween is the one time where you can dress like a total slut & act like a total crazy & people can’t hate you bc you can just say that you were dressing up as a character.  Hmmm, so maybe instead of saying I dressed up as Slut Dujour I should say I dressed up as trailer trash.  Yep, can’t take the gays nowhere! 

Any New Yorker by now knows what went down this past weekend.  Now for all my friendster’s who don’t live here, it would make sense for you to not know.  Well let me fill you in.  Whenever there is a new Madonna album coming out there is always rumors that she’s making an appearance at the Roxy.  THE place to be on a Saturday night.  In case you haven’t heard it or didn’t see it…the new single ‘Hung Up’ is out from the album ‘Confessions On a Dancefloor’ & ‘I’m Going To Tell You A Secret’ just premeired on MTV.  So weeks ago the rumors started.  Emails, word of mouth, you name it.  As you know the gays can’t keep a secret.  It’s like, "Girl, let me tell you a secret about so & so….he was doing all kinds of things on the dancefloor…the drunk bitch, can’t wait to hear the confessions to the boyfriend about that one.  Ya know he’s gonna get hung up!"  Don’t lie, you know it ends up sounding that way ; )

So anyway, the story goes that she was gonna show up at Roxy to promote the new single & all that.  BUT, she wasn’t gonna sing.  Just present it.  So ofcouse we all were like, "Hmmmm, that bitch ain’t coming."  I was there during the American Life rumor & it was packed.  Everyone just wanting to make sure that just in case if she was there, they’d see it.  Sure enough, she didn’t come.  But something about this time made it different.  The poster’s saying Peter Rauhofer returns to the Roxy with special guest.  New York was a buzz!  So on Saturday night I made sure I was gonna be there.  Vadim went way early to get in line.  Had to make sure he was in time for open bar & in case anyone else showed up wink wink.  Needless to say, "Vadim, you told me so."  So I take my nap & decide to get down there at 11.  When I get there the general admission line was around the block & I always go to the front so Derek could let me in.  Well me & every other bitch whose his bestie thought the same thing.  I couldn’t even see Derek.  The rain was relentless & the funniest thing that happenned to me was while I was standing there. There was this queen who kept bitching that he had no room.  I was like, "Duh bitch we all feel the same."  Then he says the new classic line, "My hair can’t take anymore debacles!"  As it rained on his hairdo & he was about 120 lbs.  I laughed so hard I almost peed myself.  After that, we were moved to the side of the street bc it was too insane.  During that time a few of you made it in while me & others did not.  Needless to say I was livid.  We all were.  SO we decide to go to Xl for a drink & hope that the line died down.  We were there for one very strong drink when we get a text saying that Madonna was gonna be on at 2:15.  This time, I was a tad buzzed & my determination level was upped by 50%.  So we make our way back there & I see William coming out.  He said he couldn’t deal w/ how crowded it was.  But I wanted it more than ever.  So I pass in front of everyone w/ him & I’m whisked in.  Much love to William!  Only to see that its still a 30 minute wait once inside.  Dammit!  So I finally get the ticket & check the coat & push through sooo many people to make my way to the middle of the dancefloor.  A few minutes later I see Stuart Price in the dj booth w/ Peter.  Then Madonna came out.  The crowd screamed with delight.  She talked to us about her new album, new remixes.  She said I started out at Roxy so I had to come back.  She made a reference about beginning w/ 12 inches & the gays ate it up!  She then gave Stuart a record & he started playing Hung Up.  She danced for us & literally gave it to the fans.  Even pulling people up on the stage with her.  When that happenned I found myself being pushed/moved even closer.  I tried to take pics on my phone but it was just coming out blurry. It was such an awesome experience.  I got to see Reinvention twice & Drowned World but this was soo different.  We all know I love my pop divas but Madonna is the one I loved first.  When she rolled across the floor singing about a virgin, I was a 6 yr old going hey, I wanna do that.  I won my first dance contest dancing to Vogue, sans the wig & makeup a la VMA’s ofcourse.  When Truth Or Dare came out my cool Aunt Myleah was the only one who would take me to see it.  Some of you have seen my famous going down on a champaigne glass homage to it.  Yes I was drunk.  When the Sex book came out & it became cool to hate her…I loved her even more.  Erotica is one of my favorite albums of all time.  Also I must add that ‘Fever’ is one of my immaculate hits whenever I perform.  When Music came out & in my Pieces(karaoke bar) heyday, I was notorious for doing the knee bends at the end fully giving it to the fans. 

So needless to say… Madonna, "You are my Angel.  In that Impressive Instant when I was a kid and you were the Material Girl,  I knew that I had crossed a Borderline and found Music that I could get Deeper and Deeper into.  As a kid I’d be alone in my room getting Into the Groove in my own Spotlight, Vogueing until I’d Take A Bow to myself… hee hee.  That really did Used To Be My Playgorund.  Throughout the yrs I would feel that Nobody Knows Me & someone should Rescue Me.  It was like hey where are the other Beautiful Strangers? Then bc I Love New York, I moved here and realized everyone was just trying to Keep It Together like me.  It was so many stories of Another Suitcase In Another Hall.  Everybody just wants to be a Lucky Star here. I found myself writing Dear Jessie about Why’s It So Hard to get Back In Business.  I mean I would just Promise To Try to get it Sooner or Later.  Its easy to get Hung Up on the Crazy For You’s too.  You hope to meet your True Blue love and that they’ll Open their Heart.  Then they turn out to be either Frozen, or a Gambler, or a Thief of Hearts. It’s like damn, ya see what a lil Hanky Panky’ll get ya?  Your left Burning Up trying to Justify your own Love.  So then you realize that you need to Express Yourself and that you have the Power of Good-bye to get out of your Drowned World.  It is Amazing what a boy can do isn’t it?  But its Human Nature to try to have Forbidden Love.  Isn’t that the Bedtime Story we all Live to Tell though?  But then like a Ray Of Light, you’re like I’m So Stupid…I should just have a Holiday….so Where’s the Party?  You get with your friends and you all go out to Cause a Commotion bc thats really What It Feels Like To Be a Bad Girl so just Die Another Day dammit!  So to Madonna, we all Cherish you. The next time there is a rumor we’ll be like Who’s That Girl?  If a bf doesn’t believe it, we’ll just say Papi, Don’t Preach….you can take your ass back to La Isla Bonita!  Like Virgin’s who say a Prayer about Erotica, we’ll be there to cheer you on…You’ll See! 

So just Imagine all the people, packed on top of one another in a huge club waiting to see Madonna.  Then folks, you have an image of my last Saturday night.  And just to let you know, I’d do it all again!  Until next time…….      

I can already hear it now.  "Dammit!  Didn’t Nick JUST write a blog like yesterday?"  But honestly at the time I didn’t feel like I was able to say what I wanted to say.  I mean it was all about Jaime & I wasn’t about to take anything away from the grand return that he had.  But now that the dust is starting to settle & I’ve had time to think about many issues, I feel like being a Chatty Cathy.  I’ve been having private group a plenty with many & I can’t help but feel like its the return of the supposed former jagged little pill.  Now I know many of you are like ‘Huh?!’  Well its the title of the only blog that I’ve ever deleted after a few days.  It was quite honest & it was something I needed to write down for myself.  It was maybe a lil too honest for my own good. The network exec’s were worried about approval ratings & what the fans would say.  So naturally trying to be nice I deleted it.  Ladies & Gentlemen, it’s that time again.  Read at your own discretion.

I guess I should start off by chatting about something that happenned once I got home from PA work today.  I walk in the apt to see clothes thrown about the living room & the tv quite loud.  I already know what this means.  My crazy roommate is entertaining a gentleman caller.  "Lord have mercy!" is all I can think.  Imagine my surprise when he comes into my room to tell me who it is he had just hooked up.  Now I should go ahead & state that I plan on calling out no one in this blog……much.  Anyway, he hooked up w/ someone who is not ‘famous’ but someone we all know bc he’s been in movies, currently tv & on the stage.  Hell I knew him from NYSC.  I would forever see him working out w/ his life partner of many many years & even seen the kid that they adopted.  I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t see him walk out my damn self.  What’s so funny is that he’s always been so adamant about his partner & how he doesn’t cheat.  Or at least I thought.  Wicked monkey!

Recently, I’ve been having plenty discussions about this matter.  Talks about oh yes, I’ve been with my so & so for yrs & yrs, BUT.  How ingenious that precious word but is.  Some people just can’t get enough of it, seriously.  Hell even a certain mom is having a torrid email affair.  I’ve compared her to Ruth from Six Feet Under ever since I started watching it.  She’s been in a loveless marriage for let’s see…I’d say about 17 yrs now.  I can’t help but say to this woman well whatever makes you happy.  I mean its not like they’ve met or anything & got it on but this lady sounds the happiest I’ve heard in quite some time.  I’ve been telling her for yrs to leave the bastard she’s with but somehow it never happens.  Which brings me to this.  I don’t understand staying with someone that does not make you happy.  There’s too much pain & misery in everyday life w/o having to come home to it everyday.  Now many times that wonderful reason of staying together for the kids pops up.  But really?  Is their life any better seeing mom & dad not happy?  My sister says no.  I mean….if you ‘check out’ of a relationship shouldn’t you just go ahead & turn in the room key, make sure the bill is paid & get the hell out of dodge? 

Not to call myself out but hey, I said I was gonna be honest right?  I know just as well as anyone about trying to make things work.  Do the right thing.  But why compromise yourself?  I can’t lie, when the chance of cheating on someone came a knockin’ at my door I surely started to answer it. I understand what it’s like to have someone new to conect with & to not have ot deal w/ the fights, the anger, the crap.  So I must say I am in no position to judge anyone.  But fate had a way of making sure I didn’t do it.  Once all was said & done, I knew that if I did I would feel bad about it later.  But thats just me.  I’ve played the role of the other man.  Many times.  Either way, its shitty.  I also know what its like to know everyone is seriously hating you.  I call that time 2004.  The repercussions of those events took a lot of time to heal.  But I guess we all go through a time like that every now & then right?  I guess I should say its just one of life’s little fuckovers. As I sign onto Friendster each day & see my number of friends grow, there is always that feeling of hmmm…this number is really a lie.  Sometimes I’m like, "Nick, are you seriously trying to win the popularity contest?"

But by knowing sooo many people, just how many of those do you end up really becoming close with?  But I guess its a good thing when all your friends can become close with one another right?  One should feel good about that right?  But I should ask, how should one feel when many of their friends start hanging out w/ an ex?  Or if the ex calls said friends to hang out all the time.  It seems to be a touchy, weird, what the fuck kind of subject.  Like in a divorce, who gets the friends?  Its amusing to hear the different thoughts on this matter.  When I asked one friend, "How would you feel if I started hanging out w/ so & so(the dreaded ex)?"  They responded with a roll of the eyes & then, "well if you’re my best friend I would ask what the fuck are you doing?!"  Another friend said this, "I would cut your eyes out if you hung out w/ so & so."  I got responses of all sorts.  "I don’t know how I’d feel."  "Most importantly, when did you guys become besties?"  That was a funny one.  I mean we shouldn’t own friends, but then again we kind of do.  Even when all is said & done & after all that we’ve been through…I know we’re cool….Gwen, are we ever really cool?  I guess what seems weird in that scenario is when its almost like a secret that so & so is doing this.  Thats when you can’t help but seriously be like, "What the fuck?"   Even another ex of mine told of a story about how one of his was going after his friends in a way to still be in his life.  Weird right?  In this case of the ex, yeah Gwen we are cool.  But that def took time, a long time.  Each specific case has to be handled with care.  It all depends on the amount of love that was there & what happenned.  We all handle break ups in different ways.  Some of us jump from one frying pan right into another.  Some let the thought of that former love plague their minds & no matter what they do or who they date…there’s always that ghost of the one who got away.  Some of us, do a 360 & maybe sleep with some of everybody.  It could be a validation thing or hell maybe it is the slut phase.  Some of us even would just rather forget it ever existed.  We all have our own different ways.  I remember hearing about Brad & Jen & thinking, "Damn, if they can’t make it…who can?"  Only to really read later about Brad’s supposed infidelity with Angelina.  Poor Jen & all this, your heart & mine def goes out to her.  I’ve always adored her & no matter what, in any relationship, someone comes out to be the bad guy.  Its inevitable I guess.  Looking back, I know I’ve played all the roles.  The other man, the bad guy, the heartbroken.  Either way, the roles are tough.  I know I’ve dated some kinds of everybody. Plenty of women(shocking to some of you), guys who are controlling, actor/singer/dancer just like me types, guys older, younger, straight guys & I can even add married guys to this list.  Now that’s something else but a story for another day.  But to this I will say how is one really supose to respond to finding out that information? 

But anyway, I should wrap this up.  I’m sure it sounds like I’m ranting & raving or maybe even a lil bit l-i-v-i-d.  This can be taken any way.  I could be talking about a number of different people.  If this ruffles up feathers & causes drama…I am sorry.  But I’ll reiterate, I said no names.  This could be be just a random story.  I mean I am coming up with ideas for certain creative purposes.  When it comes out all names will be changed to protect the guilty, I mean the innocent.  So until next time….       

It was Xmas of last yr.  A few friends getting together for the last time.  One of our own was leaving very unexpectantly.  Jaime & I have been friends for 4 yrs now.  A lot has went down in that amount of time & Jaime was always there for it.  In good times & bad.  But then Jaime had to go.  It was an emotional time.  Jaime gave away some of his things to each of us.  We were to hold onto them & keep them safe until his grand return.  For months I’ve kept the Jackie O’s & the ‘Princess’ t-shirt tucked away.  The classic story of the t-shirt & our original meeting goes a little something like this.  It was labor day weekend of 2001.  I was at Webster Hall.  I was dancing on top of a box when I saw a guy that I was determined to meet.  His name, Tim.  We chatted it up & danced for a while.  He then tells me that he needs to find his friend.  So we go to look for him & then there on the dancefloor I see someone wearing a Princess t-shirt with some spiky blue tinted hair literally giving it to the fans.  Tim says, "Nick, I would like you to meet Jaime."  Ever since that moment it has been one helluva ride since.  Which brings me to now. The t-shirt is ready to be given back to its rightful owner because it is true peeps, Jaime is back in town!

Officially arriving on Sept. 28(with much thanks to our beloved Ej) & sporting that Texas tan, it was sooo good to see him.  In 9 months time a lot has changed for all of us.  Its good to have that missing piece back in our puzzle.  We all met at Barage the night he got in.  The next night we rocked it at Duvet for a hot minute as well.  Friday night we did our best Molly Ringwald dances at Pyramid.  I have to say Friday night was the most fun for me.  I hadn’t been in some time.  I also got to see one of my partners in crime, Rob.  It had been quite some time for us as well.  After going through my sickness for about 2 weeks I was in no way able to see anyone.  I know I discussed this in the last blog but quite honestly, I’m not done.  Let me tell you, having it was like having a colonic every single damn day!  Not good people, not good.  But luckily it’s pretty much over.  I have regained my appetite & now its back to the gym trying to get back the muscle I lost.  As we know I am l-i-v-i-d about all of this. 

In one day, I had 2 different encounters that has made me laugh.  I was coming out of my apt & I saw a neighbor.  She’s a nice lady & for forever I only knew her dog’s name but not hers.  So she’s coming up the stairs & says, "Wow! Nick you look great, have you lost weight?"  Now mind you I felt like hell so I responded, "Well I caught some stomach virus & I’ve been really sick & I lost close to 10 pounds."  To this she says, "That’s great!  Talk to you later hon!"  Never missing a beat she & her dog Ginger scurried up the stairs.  I couldn’t help but laugh.  I mean really, does anyone ever really wanna know how you’re REALLY doing?  Obviously not.  Later, I scurried onto the gym where I was trying to lift weight that apparently I couldn’t lift the way I had 2 weeks before.  I saw someone I knew whose actually not on Friendster & he goes, "OMG Nick, Miss Turner has done wonderful things for your body!"  Shocked I was like, "Umm no…I’m not doing Tina.  I’ve been really sick."  So he responds with, "Whatever, you’re abs look great!"  He bounced on to go do cardio for I’m sure 45 minutes & I was left to thinking, ‘You bitch!’  But all in all an amusing experience. 

But let me get back to Jaime bc thats who this blog really is about.  He called in the midst of me writing this blog & we had group on the phone about his night’s activities.  Well let me say he was very happy to report that he got laid last night.  It had been quite some time I should add.  In a way things are coming back full circle.  He’s back in town, getting action & our group is now reunited.  So here’s to Jaime, glad to have you back….Da Big Baybuh!