The Adventures of the NSP

Forgive me Friendsters, for I have sinned.  It has been 3 1/2 weeks since my last confession.  In this amount of time there’s no telling what you may have heard about me.  It seems theres been plenty of different things going around.  I swear sometimes its like "Extra! Extra! Judge…ahem…read all about it!"  But its not like I’m surprised.  I could have a threesome & half of the gay population in NYC would know about it the minute its over.  Now this didn’t happen mind you but there have been plenty of things going around.  Originally I was gonna go off on some people & call them out.  Since I was in my dark & brooding phase & all.  (For everyone that didn’t know I went dark) BUT, I decided to say fuck it.  Let it will be right?  For any of you grammar folks that just thought I screwed up…no, thats a title of a Madonna song.  Some folks go to God, some of us go to Madonna.  Hmmm, you could still say it’s semi-religious.  To everyone that has been saying Nick is doing this & Nick is doing that:  Lil’ Kim said it best…’Shut up Bitch!’  I mean seriously let’s be honest.  I’ve been here in New York now for almost 6 years come March.  I’ve done things I’ve never thought I would, seen things that I wouldn’t have seen anywhere else.  I’ve lived my life.  Like it or not I’ve done bad things.  I’ve done good things.  Have I always made the right decisions?  Hell no!  But its made me into who I am today.  Even before I came here, people said, "He’ll never make it.  He’ll be back."  Well I’m still here.  I may have gotten off track, but definitely not giving up.  I don’t give up.  Yes, times have sucked recently & sometimes I just wanna pull out my hair.   I swear its been like ok, I’m Nell Carter screaming Gimme a Break!  In the past few months I’ve worked half a dozen different jobs.  But something keeps telling me Nick don’t give up.  This week has been a bit emotional for me & today marks the 2 yr anniversary of my grandmother’s death.  We all have certain things that make up a big part of who we are.  So we all can relate to it in one way or another.  We’re humans.  But what doesn’t help is when we try to tear each other down.

The other day I was watching the Tyra Banks show.  Why you ask?  Well it just so happenned to be the episode of her & Naomi Campbell reuniting after they’ve had this decade long hate for each other.  Come to find out certain other people egged on their feud.  Mmm hmmm.  Talk about human nature.  Well you know what.  I’ve heard it all before.  Please don’t say you’re sorry.  Lo Siento.  I’m quoting Madonna’s second single from the album.  Anyway, Tyra brought up something interesting to me.  She said that there were 7 deadly sins of sisterhood.  After hearing it I couldn’t help but relate to it.  (Why gay men relate to powerful black women or women in general is like asking why gay men suck cock…they just do) They’re sins that should apply directly to us as well bc they’re things we’re all guilty of from time to time.  It goes a lil something like this:

1. Betrayl-seriously how many times have you heard of someone going behind their friends back & screwing their bf?  Exactly…not that I or anyone else I know have done that one mmmkay
2. Manipulation-you can call it that or you could call it mean girling.  Saying anything in order to get what you want.  Making up stories to create unneccesary drama…yeah I thought so.
3. Judgement-DING DING DING!  Like when you call somebody a whore & then you’re in a bathroom getting it like no ones business.  Or if you’re like so & so has a drug problem while you’re either shoving something up your own nose or chugging your 10th drink.  I could go on & on & on
4. Envy-now this is an easy one bc haven’t we all had moments where we don’t get the boy & we’re like what the fuck?  Then you see him with one of your besties & you’re like BITCH! 
5. Gossip-now if this was a club mix we’d be at the dramatic bridge about to hit the climatic breakdown.  Hell even I tend to know everything about everybody.  Like I said theres no keeping anything from people sometime.  Shit travels mothaf**kers!  Missy had a top 10 hit with Gossip Folks.  My fav part of that song is when everyone goes, "Hi Missy!"  Then she goes off on em for about 40 seconds bc at the beginning of the song they were all hating on her.  Missy I got you, I GOT YOU.
6. Competition-Lord have mercy!  Now if this ain’t the damn truth.  It goes a lot in there with envy but its like the hotter younger sister.  I could further explain this but I really don’t feel that I have to. Ya got the point I’m sure.
7. Resentment-now this is the thing we don’t want to happen.  Bc bottled up feelings just start to fester & stew & broil & then next thing you know a bitch is ready to cut you on the good side of your face.  So if you consider someone a true friend talk to them.  Work it out.  Make things better.  Bc sometimes they’re all we’ve got.  Didn’t we all escape our hum drum life to get to something?  To be aorund people that would love us unconditionally.  To be around people that we have something in common with.  Lets not let that go.

Now with that being said…sometimes you just have to remove yourself from situations.  I like to call it that precious me, myself & I time. That certain special thing that sometimes you don’t get enough of.  All this week I worked at a job I hated & then went to some dance classes, worked out then went home.  Thats been my exciting week so far.  But its what I’ve needed.  Now come tomorrow I’ll be all about going out.  Shaking my ass.  This weekend a few of us are going to DC to reunite with the DC squad.  So yeah I’m taking the show to the road & giving it to the DC fans.  The fans will not know what hit em with the NYC/DC powers combined. 

One thing that I’ve also been really working on is my creativity.  Its been a while since I’ve written any songs but I’ve had all these lyrics spewing out of my brain.  For a first I’ve decided to include one.  There’s no telling what kind of responses I’m gonna get after this & the blog.  It seems they always tend to stir up something but honestly I find these things to be quite cathartic for me.  Some of the time I just wanna scream, "I’m Ok, you’re not Ok!"  But then that may come out bitchy so I’m like nevermind.  Well here is one of the most recent ones I’ve written.  If you see me out maybe I’ll sing it out loud to you.  ; )

Leave It All Behind

verse 1:

Beautifully tragic but rarely by myself

Keep dancing to the music so nobody can tell

Mr. Popular can’t bear to be uncool

Cause if no one is listening then I’d feel like a fool

(It’s like) Everywhere you go you’re the star

They make love to your face wherever you are

A king on your throne but you’re all alone

So many faces in the crowd that you’ll never know

It’s so easy to let it bring you down

But you use a smile to hide the frown

chorus:

I can just go, walk away

In this place I can not stay

Leave it all behind

It’s what I gotta do, run away

It’s the price I have to pay

Leave it all behind

I’m leaving it…

verse 2:

You’re a big boy now and you’ve had some dreams

But if ya ain’t doin’ nuthin’ then what does it mean

Somehow life got the best of you

Beat you all up til you’re black & blue

Its so easy to say I’m giving up

When all it feels is like enough is enough

chorus 2:

I can just go, walk away

In this place I can not stay

Leave it all behind

It’s what I gotta do, run away

It’s the price I have to pay

Leave it all behind

So I can just go, walk out the door

Nothing matters anymore

Leave it all behind

It’s what I gotta do, & I’ll say

This is just another day

Leave it all behind

I’m leaving it…

bridge:

Whatever gets you down let it bring you back up

Sometimes its a bitch but then you say what the fuck

The drama that they throw you let it fall to the floor

Then just come out with me its time to werk it some more!

chorus 2

repeat til you realize that you’re dancing like no one is watching

So thats it folks.  That would be my blog complete with a soundtrack.  Just so you know this song will have a beat & hopefully one day remixed by Peter Rauhofer.  It’ll be hot & I can say all this was for something.  That I did do something with my life.  Absolutley no regrets & hopefully no judgements.   Then again, who am I kidding?  There will always be judgements.  I just hope they use good pictures of me on the cover of Star, Us & In Touch.