The Adventures of the NSP

Hello children! Its been way, way too long since I’ve brought this one out. But, I thought of in light of recent events that it was time to dust off the ‘characters’ I created for a blog that had been posted on Friendster a year ago. 2 weeks ago one of NYC’s beloved, Kevin Aviance, was attacked after leaving a bar in the East Village. The culprits yelled anti-gay remarks to this performer as they beat him. He suffers from a broken jaw & countless other things. Plus, I’m sure you can add emotional stress to this as well. The assholes were luckily caught. This happenned a few blocks from where I live.

For years and years, I’ve been going out clubbing and causing a commotion. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen Kevin ‘werk’ the crowd & seriously given it to the fans. He’s released many dance singles that have made the Billboard dance chart. You can’t be a New Yorker in the nightlife & not know about him. So when this happenned, ofcourse all of gay NY was abuzz. Unfortunately this is not the kind of thing that rarely happens. I know quite a few people that have dealt with something of somekind. Hell, even myself. Back in January I was very randomly hit in the mouth by some random lil punk. My friend Sebastien & I were on our way to get into a cab to go meet Jordan & go to Duvet. Why this happenned I do not know. All I know is that we were getting into a cab & this fucker hit me in the mouth. I was fine, my lip was a lil sore & ego slighty bruised but all in all I guess it could have been much worse. There have been sooo many times throughout the years that i have walked home from a club alone and didn’t really think about what could happen because I assummed I’d be safe. It seems these days are over. I’m not gonna say that I am be afraid of going out & blah blah blah but I will say that I will be much more aware & careful. Therefore my friends & I have deicded to travel in a pack & never leave another alone while going out getting outta control. When this happenned to Kevin, many were qucik to think that he must have been in his drag persona but alas, he was not. He’s quite the big black man. It just goes to show you that anyone can be a target. As my mom would always say ‘Be Careful’. So here’s my further rules: travel with a buddy or at least a trick haha!

Which brings me to…..this week is Pride here in NYC & you can be sure that things will get outta control. It wouldn’t be pride without it. Its a time where the gays rally, wave flags & profess their love for the same sex. Ok so maybe that happens every week but this week its extra. Which would explain why bars & clubs want to take advantage of it & charge everyone extra for admission & drinks & anything else they can think of. I ofcourse have my own ideas about avoiding these prices & new ways for my friends & I to still have fun & still celebrate the gays! What is this you ask? Well maybe I’ll just be like Madonna & release a film called I’m Going To Tell You A Secret. Then again maybe I won’t because really, if I told you ALL my secrets then I wouldn’t be able to keep you readers coming back for more now would I? But be sure that there will be blogs, there will be pics & yes there will be shenanigans. Oh yes, there will be shenanigans.

So instead of I’m going to tell you a secret mess, let me make it more Truth or Dare. The truth is the cast of characters I hang around with are much like Masters of the Gay Universe. We each have our own special powers & we each have our own special bond. You fuck with one….well then you fuck with all. If this was a Marvel comics or about to be made into a Summer blockbuster these would be the key characters……..

The Everlasting Hotness also known as Nick or Devin depending on what mood he is in. The leader of the pack in many ways and can be a master of diguise much like the Mystique character. He does this by constantly changing his hair style & color. Is known to be at least 3 different hair colors in one week. He has the ability to dance a storm around anyone which can lead them to fall in love with him or he can use this power & his behind to knock someone off a speaker or clear the floor. Everyone tends to confide in him, therefore he always knows many secrets. His kryptonite is if he has been drinking heavily. In this case he suffers short term memory loss & may forget having had a conversation with you. His deluxe action figure comes with changeable hair, many tight tank tops & even tighter jeans. With each purchase of the action figure you get a cd single of your choice by any popstar diva.

Punkin aka Jordan. The significant other to the Everlasting Hotness. In the first version of this story his character wasn’t mentioned bc the writers weren’t sure what was going on with him. Always a fan favorite he was brought back by high demand. He loves our hero tremendously & even though our hero doesn’t mention it as often he would like everyone knows our hero loves him just as much HIs powers include being able to help or administer proper EMT in case of emergencies. He’s also the firefighter of the group, therefore he rides around on the Mattell Fire Truck(vehichle sold separately). His kryptonite would be his temper which can be at times crazy! His action figure comes with Spiky blonde hair & is alwasy dressed in a black tank top.

Bubba. Simply stated…Bubba the bodyguard. He’s the size of Colossus & even though he could bring on the fight he is as gentle as a lamb. He is capable of reading people incredibly well. Normally can see through any bullshit that can come his way. Always looking for fresh new talent, he holds the ability to stamp his approval of all things Werk-e! Normally very quiet but if he has been hitting the herb then he has the abilty to be like the Caterpiller…only nicer & much much funnier. His kryptonite would be having to deal with too much talent. Which this can even wear him out. His action figure is too big for the box.

Betty Ford aka Filla Prescription aka Anita Vaccina. Probably the funniest one of the crew. Can make the funniest moment funnier by putting on an outrageous wig, cha cha heels & insane make up. Betty is also able to change hair colors as well from blonde blonde to dark & brooding brown. Can mostly defeat a foe by clobbing them over the head with said cha cha heel. Also Betty is known as Adam although rarely called. His kryptonite would be falling on many different occassions while intoxicated. This brought the phrase ‘A party ain’t a party til Betty Ford falls’. His action figure comes with said wig, cha cha heels & a bevy of make up that way you too can make him go from one character to the other Also comes with slices of cake.

Ramone Von Helsingberg aka Vadim. Cyndi Lauper must have wrote She’s So Unusual about him. He dresses insanely & like no other. If you see him out before a club don’t be shocked by the rips & tears in his clothes or if his crotch is exposed, he was not gaybashed. Its just his style. A Russian Jewish character, he can drink more than anyone in the group. Which is why he is always found with a water bottle that has vodka in it. Like Sunny D it gives him solar energy & the ability to wrestle his opponents to the ground. His action figure comes with action grip & ripped up clothes. Although be careful when playng with action figure bc if you pin him down he gets aroused. His kryptonite would be that he sweats a lot & has an affliction to loud noises. An old lady can take him out just by playing her latin music too loud.

Precious — The newbie who’s name can not yet be mentioned bc of contract negotiations. Incredibly handsome this one is & his milkshake brings boys & girls alike to the yard. His ability to sing can put a spell on many. His themesong could be Irresistible or These Boots Are Made For Walking or even Promiscuous. He is the ‘besite’ to the everlasting hotness. Much to learn he has but the ‘force’ is strong with this one. Yes… it is strong. His kryptonite would be getting him drunk & having him near a hot tub. Then he’s easily taken advantage of. His action figure coms with red tank top, tight jeans, stylable hair & a microphone.

These are just a few of the many, many characters in our episodes. From time to time, I’ll discuss more. But in the meantiem I’m working on negotiations with Mattel to get these action figures out by Xmas. In these day & ages the kids apparently need someone to look up to!

Here in New York the summer season is approaching and most New Yorker’s thoughts turn into ‘Take me to the beach!’ Whether its Jones Beach or going to Cony Island(God help you) or Fire Island or even Christopher Street Pier….we all are wishing that we could just leave work & go lay out in the sun! For the week its been warm but not humid. Which as any of you know the humidity level in the city can be absolutely atrocious. That time will be upon us soon & most likely if you see me I will be wanting to be halfway naked because of the heat. Because as quickly as I can get cold the minute that it hits 70 my body is like shorts, tank top… bring it on!

This past weekend found me out of the city and on Fire Island with Jordan at his parents house. I brought along my bestie Tom & we met up with Jillian(J’s sister) & her bf & their crew. It wasn’t complete without Adam(Betty Ford) & him donning a wig & Pride boa & cha cha heels. Us hanging out drinking & watching him ‘werk’ almost made me pee my pants. The things that come out of his mouth baffles me. Absolutely hilarious. We got in on Friday night & it was raining. There’s few lights & being that there is no road, you just walk or ride bikes. Being that it was gonna be 9 of us & the way the weather was… I felt like I was in a Friday the 13th movie. If its too quiet outside, thats when I get nervous. But in the city hearing taxis & people yelling…then I’m like whatevs! But luckily the rain stopped by the time Sat rolled around & none of us were killed by a maniacal knife weilding crazy so all in all it was good times. On Saturday we went over to the Pines to see our friend Nathan because he had got a share over there. My first time there was when I went last yr with him & my other bestie Rob. We had ofcoruse got drunk & crazy(shocker) so why should we not reenact that moment this time? Well I will tell you why sometimes you can’t. Because sometimes you have to take things called water taxi’s & sometimes you’re not used to drinking new drinks & sometimes it can get the best of you. While at something called Low Tea we def had our share of drinks & one of my friends ended up gettting really sick. Normally I can’t be around someone if they’re about to spew forth chunks becuase then I have to too. Its like what Dolly said in Steel Magnolia’s about no one crying around her bc then she’ll cry too. I just take it to the next level. Comforting my friend & making sure everyone left him alone, I kept myself together. I was proud of me and hey someone needs to right?

So we make it back to Nathan’s where we drink more, have dinner & even get in the hot tub. It was juicy! There were moments when I found myself having to keep a friend from getting man raped but hey, best friend’s work is never done. Hmmm, all of a sudden I sound like a take off of Heather’s. Helping out a friend while they puke, keeping them from getting date raped. We don’t have the same names but we do share the love of being blonde. Where is our movie dammit? So anyway, we decide that its time to get back to where we’re staying because its getting late. But in order to get back there we need to take a water taxi. Apparently, there was only one more running because the water was getting really rough. We run making sure we get there. Jordan even calls them to tell them to not leave. We make it just in time & there were a few people on it already. It should be said that I’ve been on some boats in my day & I’ve never gotten what they call sea sick. Hell, I’d rather not even be on them because I can’t swim extremely well. If I was a character in a movie liek Poseiden I’d probably be the first to go. So thats why I’m like well I wouldn’t be in that situation because you wouldn’t find my ass on that boat. But while sitting there as the boat rocked unsteadily back & forth, I felt an uneasy feeling in my stomach. Next thing you know, its me the one thats puking over the side of the boat. At one point, this guy tells me to lay on my back & just look up. I found myself doing this but praying to God to just get me off this damn thing. We finally made it but even by this point my stomach was up in knots. Recently I’ve been in love with the song SOS by Rihanna. Somehow she makes those moan & groans sexy talking about how her tummy’s up in knots & what not. Needless to say I was not at my classiest as I was still having to stop along the way to further throw up in people’s yards. Talk about a warm welcome. HI, welcome to Fire Island…Blah!

As soon as we got back to the house all I wanted to do was sleep which I did extensively. 11 hrs later I was finally able to get up. Sunday turned out to be the most beautiful day & we walked the beach for hours going back out to see Nathan & then walked all the way back. No need for the taxi on my end, walking will be just fine thanks. We got back to the city which upon arrival I was hearing the honk of car horns & pedestrian’s yelling at people to watch where they’re fucking going. Ah, its good to be home. We all then had our chinese & I rewatched Finding Nemo which I loved. Then yesterday its back to the daily grind. Everyone is like, “Ooo! You look so tan & nice. I need to get out to the beach as well.” Me on the other hand, well I’m ok with just going down to Christopher Street Pier or even up to Central Park in Sheep’s Meadow. It’s a subway ride away and maybe the only thing I really need to worry about is a taxi-cab running me over. I’ve been hit by an mini-van but that’s another story.

Outside it has become a terrential downpour of rain. Last nights thunderstorm left some people without power apparently. The lightening came so frequently that I found myself saying the ever lovable ‘one one thousand…two one thousand’ just to see how far it was away. Needless to say it wasn’t far as I watched it strike a building right next to our apt. Or maybe I’m just being dramatic, I was watching Days of Our Lives after all.

But today is looking like a crappy day. I want to go out tonight & I want to shake my ass. As you all know I’ve been away & yes I just blogged….but, there was a subject I left out. 28 yrs ago today my father died. My mom was pregnant with me & they had only been married a few months. In an unfortunate situation he had had an accident at work. He worked in like a mill or so I think & someone pressed a wrong button & something came down on his mid section. This happenned in March & for two and a half months he was in the hospital. My mom, incredibly young, rarely left the hospital. Pregnant & all. Being that he couldn’t speak much english she found herself constantly the translater. He fought & held on as long as he could but then after a while he could no longer bear the pain. My mom said a prayer & shortly after he was gone.

I was supose to be born around mid August but instead I came on the 31st of July. Maybe someone had hinted to me to get there early in order to be on the guestlist or something. I arrived around 4:30 in the morning which doesn’t surprise me since I come alive at night. My mom said she was so happy because at least then she had a little piece of my dad left. For a while I remember not thinking too much about it. I was shown pictures but my mom, aunt & grandparents threw so much attention my way that I supose it didn’t phase me to think about something I was missing. It wasn’t until maybe around 5ish/6ish or so that I really wondered where he was. It didn’t help that at one point a few classmates had made fun of me for not having a father. Why they did this who knows. My mom would tell me he was in heaven with God. Then on rainy days I would ask why does it rain. My mom would say its because God is sad. I would wonder if that meant that my dad was sad too & she would tell me yes. It made sense to me because I knew I was so much fun that anyone not around me would be sad too. Its funny what we think & believe when we’re kids. A few yrs after that I started to become afraid that my mom would die & I would be left alone. Or that something would happen to my grandparents or aunt. Very morbid for a 9 yr old. I found myself freaking out if my mom was even 5 mnutes late to pick me up. As time went on I got over it but then kind of changed it into myself. I always felt like there was a need to rush to get things done in life because I figured that time was not on my side. He had died at the age of 26 a few months shy of his bday & sadly I started to think the same. Then at the age of 18, I was in a really bad car accident & I flipped my car 3 times. One of the most scariest times in my life…I didn’t figure that I would make it. But luckily, in my case someone else had another plan & it was not my time. I remember feeling even more that I had to do this & I had to do that & just kind of put away the thoughts I had before. I moved away to discover myself & in a large way try to forget everything I had left behind.

This plan had worked for a while until the sudden circumstances with my grandmother. Her death brought back all those old insecurities & a scared little boy that once was was brought to surface on a man that had always tried to look calm & strong. A facade that I couldn’t mask to everyone for long. Looking back, I have definitely done some not very smart things. But, I have lived to tell about it. On my trip back to North Carolina, I made sure that I went to visit his grave. I had not been there in years. Amusingly enough the memories of a little boy that would sit there & tell ‘him’ about how his day at school was came flooding back to me. All of a sudden I felt like a voice was telling me that it will all be ok. Its taken some time but that little boy isn’t so scared anymore.

Around the age of 20 I wrote a song called Dear Father and it had always been just for me in a way. I would rarely let a few people hear how it would possibly go. Well today I feel a lil different. A little more open. When asked about the events & why I have no father I always tend to shy away from the subject. Or I skip to a cliff notes version. But as it continues to rain outside I’m thinking about that little boy for a moment & how now as a man he still misses his dad. This is my song.

Dear Father
How are you?
I just felt like writing this song tonight
Dear Father
I’ve missed you
There’s so many things I need to know
If you were hith me
I’d never let that moment go

As a child, as a man
I’ve always wondered what it would be like
To see you, to have you
Even briefly at one moment in time

I can feel you watching me
Every now & then
Through all the tihings I’ve done
I know that you’ve been there

chorus

In pictures, in stories
Thats basically all I have of you
It’d be nice just to see you
To see if you really look like me

I know that you were loved
By everyone that knew you
I can take solace in that
And try to be just like you

chorus

I know that someday
I will see you on the other side
But it just wasn’t meant to be
And your life was gone
When I was born
But I always kept my strength

Dear Father
How are you?
I just felt like singing this song tonight
Dear Father
I’ve missed you
There’s so many things I need to know
If you were here with me
I’d never let that moment go

I’d never let…that…moment…go.

This is dedicated to all my redneck women

It was 2 & a half yrs ago that I was last at my place of birth, Yadkinville, North Carolina. Growing up I’d lived kind of all over the western parts of the state. My mom had me at the age of 16 & for yrs after we moved a lot. It was not the easiest thing for her raising a child on her own & I can’t imagine how she did it. She worked her ass off literally just to make sure we could get by. As a child I don’t ever remember feeling poor because she always would go without in order for me to be dressed in the finest. She would always say that she didn’t want anyone saying that she was an unfit parent. I also had my grandmother & grandfather & my aunt spoiling me absolutely rotten. A now famous story is one of me as a baby being put on a diet because I was too fat. I supose we all go through our fat stages & I guess I just went through mine early. When I was 6, my mom met the man who would later become my stepfather. I called him dad once & it was the day they married. It felt so weird & wrong that I never did it again. To this day I don’t hate him but I just consider him to be the man my mother married & the father to my 2 sisters. I look at my childhood as one of the happiest times of my life. My group of family was like my superheroes. My teen yrs is when things became really crazy. I found myself feeling like I didn’t belong but I couldn’t understand why. My mom & I would fight many times. I supose its normal, who doesn’t fight with their parents right? My mom seemed to be in a loveless marriage at times & they fought all the time. I remember thinking, “Don’t ever get caught up in something like that. Don’t stay in something just becuase you have to.”

Years later I did get away, all the way to the big city of NYC. Where I’ve been since 2000. On my own. I knew I had changed & for the better but I had just not realized that others could change to. Which is just what would happen after my last trip to see them. After a short battle with cancer, my grandmother died. 3 months after her death, my grandfather re-married. I was incredibly angry. For a few months there was a time when none of us were speaking to each other. When we hold grudges, we HOLD grudges. Eventually, apologies were made & gradually things vecame ok. But the thought of going down there still made my stomach turn. Right before Xmas, at the end of last yr my stepfather died. Which gave our family another reason to not like December. It was around this time I knew that it would be time to go down. Financially, I was not able to do this so I instead made sure to go down for what would be my sister’s graduation.

Which brings me to this past week & why no one has heard from me in a while. The everlasting hotness made the return ‘home’. Much blonder, I wasn’t sure how it would go over. At first I looked at it the way you do with a trip to the doctor. Way too expensive & somehow walking out with a pain in the ass. Needless to say it wasn’t that way at all. My mom picked me up at the airport, late ofcourse but it wouldn’t be my mom if it wasn’t. We hung out the whole day talking & riding around all over. She was the most cheerful I’d seen since probably the early 90’s! I wasn’t prepared for how much my sisters had grown since I saw them last. I think that I’ve been the cool older brother who lives far away & it was funny to have my mom introduce me as her son from New York City(said in perfect southern drawl). Some people would look at me funny but then when I was like, “Well, I’m from here.” Then they would all do a collective Oh! An odd experience would be when I met my grandfather’s new wife. Seeing her sit where my grandmother would sit & not seeing any pics of me on the wall wasn’t the easiest thing to see. But, like always….I managed. Things do change afterall, even if we don’t want them to.

One thing that I noticed that hadn’t seem to change is some people having small minds. While at lunch my mom & I saw a friend of my sister’s eating with her family. She was a nice but somehow odd girl. She reminded me of a homeschool student. No offense but the people skills never seem to be so good. Her mother decided to talk to my mom about how my sister seems different ever since she went to Governor’s School(Editor’s Note: my sister IS the smart one, she graduated at #5 in her class….meanwhile, I can dance & sing & get up & do my thing). My mom & I both seemed confused. This lady decided to go on about how once kids go there they come back all different…..& stuff. “Why, Mrs. Logan let her boy go there & next thing ya know he came back gay. Who knows if he was before but he came back that way.” It took a lot for me to not give her a verbal slapping or a cut on the face(NY style). But my mom came back with, “Well she ain’t doing drugs or getting pregnant so she must be doing something right.” And with a classic Nick face back & my mom’s bite that was the end of the conversation. Watching my sister graduate, I was quite proud. Being in my old high school again was so surreal. The noises in the hall & the chatter of teenagers. Everyone saying how much they’ll miss each other & that they’ll be friends forever & forever. Girls crying & boys yelling, it was like I was momentarily transported back to my own graduation 10 yrs ago. To a time when you can’t imagine being 28. At least I know thats how I felt.

As for my core group of friends that I graduated with, I know many are married with children. Or I don’t even know. But there were a few I did get to see. Adrienne, also on myspace & even though we hadn’t got to see each other in yrs it was good to know that some friendships withstand the test of time & everything else life has to throw at you. I’m oh so grateful for you letting me stay with you & us being able to catch up felt like we had never skipped a beat. Also, thanks for getting me to buy those shirts at the mall bc well they did look hot on me. She also accompanied me to my youngest sister’s award ceremony at her middle school. It turned out to be the Anna show & once again I was like, “My sister’s are brilliant!”

Now it should be said while living there I worked at some of everywhere. When I’m famous I’m sure Tours of where Nick used to work in Elkn will be sell outs. I went back to those restaurants & had the fav foods I loved all over again. One night we went to Cimarron Steak House for karaoke. When I worked there I had absolutely hated this night & would always do my best to not work it but this time it was mos def an occasion. What was huge is getting me to drink beer. I drink all kinds of hard liquor but when it comes to that I can’t. So I started out with wine, 5 glasses later & finally buzzed…I switched to beer. We had a ball. My cuz Misty(who I had also stayed with) & her girl Jen(make me smile in my happy place) continually made me laugh. One of my fav moments was when my other cuz Mindy reminded me of me teaching her hwo to Vogue when were kids. Many of you roll your eyes, many may scream with delight but it must be said I won my first dance contest by striking a pose. Take that beyotches. And for you Exotic bitches, I will do backup dances for you anytime. I loved how Misty knew every word to every country song & I could even hear her over some of the people singing. Another fav was when this lady did Redneck Woman & all the ladies were singing backup. I can’t help but smile bc that song always reminds me of my mom, especially the parts about knowing all the words to every Tanya Tucker song. Don’t laugh, TT was some good stuff. Even I know all the words to Delta Dawn.

When I made it to Wilimington, I was ready for some clubbing. Being reunited with my bestie Shuley is always good stuff. We’ve known each other for 10 yrs & it can be said a million times over we’ve both done so much growing & a lot of changes. Her boobs have gotten bigger & I’ve gotten blonder but when we do drink together it is out of control. I will have bruises on my legs for the next few weeks bc of drunken shenanigans & I promise I won’t tell everyone you pushed me down the stairs…only if they ask. Wink wink. Also, getting to see my girl Ashley, & other Wilmington peeps was an absolute blast. Seeing Blair & Luis still happy together gave me even more hope for my own relationship. My friend Matt was just as much fun as I remember. Matt, if ur reading Suck it bitch!….thanks…Nick’s mngmt. If ur not well bless your heart. Speaking of, the phrase I def said I was taking back to NYC was that one. You can basically say anything you want about somebody but as long as you throw it in there then you’re safe. Example: So & so is a dirty whore. I saw her giving head on the corner of slut & hooch just trying to make a dime & pay the rent….bless her heart. I have a feeling that my NY’ers will add BITCH! at the end of it though…just to make sure the point gets across.

Well by now, your eyes are probably tired & your most likely saying, “Nick, shut up!” But, after going & coming back I couldn’t help but feel the need to the thank the people that knew me when. The people that know where I came from & what its like. Its a bond that can’t be broken bc in reality we all want the same thing. World peace. J/k, but seriously if I could go back & talk to that 17 yr old boy wondering what he was gonna do with his life….I would say what I would say to all the kids walking across the stage at the graduation. Keep your head up young person bc you can & will be whatever you want to be. So once again can I get a big ‘Hell Yeah!” & to all my southerners gimme a “Yee Haw!”