The Adventures of the NSP

‘You’ll feel your vital energy returning as the Sun moves into your sign on Monday. It may feel as though you’ve been connected back to your source, which in a way you have. For the past couple of years you’ve adopted a more serious approach. But from this week onwards you’ll feel so much more like your natural, fun-loving, and majestic self. Others may have mistaken you for some kind of shy pussycat, which has not been good for your image. Take extra care on Tuesday, especially in association with career and partnership issues.’

That was my horoscope that greeted me when I got to work this morning. Even on this kind of cold & rainy July Monday morning that put a smile upon my face. When I woke up at 7:30 I was definitely not wanting to get out of bed. I could tell that it was dark & dreary outside when I walked in the living room. There was no ray of light. No spark. Something was telling me that this should be the kind of day that you just lay in bed. But oh well, work was calling. Besides not everyday can be a sunny day at the beach.

Which is exactly what the past 3 days had been like. I had decided to got o Fire Island with Jordan. Dawne, her husband Pablo, Jillian & her bf Drew would also be joining us. To say I was somewhat nervous would be an understatement. Not about the people coming, but how my overall time would be. I don’t have the best of luck when it comes to my Fire Island trips. It seems whenever I decide to go something terrible happens. I get sick on a water taxi & start puking off the side. Its cold & gloomy & rainy. I get sick from the food. We go to a bday dinner that turns into a disaster & the bday girl is sitting there crying(And that shouldn’t happen to anyone for goodness sakes!). I spend $80 & somehow remain sober. I hate to say it but I could go on & on. To most people its a fun place. But for me, its not somewhere that I get excited for. Which used to make Jordan nuts because I know he tries. I can see him sometimes watching my every facial expression (becuase they are VERY telling), waiting to to see if I’m gonna have a breakdown. I wonder if he’s thinking ‘Keep Nick entertained’. So that’s why I continue to go from time to time.

It’s at this point I have to confess. It doesn’t always suck. Plenty of drunken, fun times have been had. And the people I’ve come in contact with, have definitely stuck out in my mind. I’ve had a blast with the neighbors. Older ladies & men who did their share of partying in the 70’s tell me stories from those days & I eat it up. I’ve constantly thought its a good thing I wasn’t around then because I would’ve probably gotten myself in all heaps of trouble. I also highly enjoy this older couple (Mr & Mrs Ericho) who constantly make me laugh whenever I see them. He always flirts with me & asks what I do in my workout regimen. He’s completely harmless & such a delightful man. I hope I’m half as wiry when I’m his age. His wife is just as much a barrel of laughs herself. The way she says certain curse words never fails to make me laugh. It’s right up there with talking animals. Bonnie & Barbra are their daughters & I have mad love for them. Bonnie knows the Island gossip & isn’t afraid to dish. We all know I love me some gossip. Even if its about someone I don’t know. She always manages to get me convinced to eat pizza while drunk. Her husband Mitch is my Jeigermeister buddy. The night of her bday gone wrong we did quite a few of them. Barbara is a devoted reader to my blogs & she’s one of the sweetest lesbian’s I’ve met. People may say what they want about lesbian’s (Vadim) but I adore her & I hope she reads it & it puts a smile upon her face.

So with that being said, I will go onto this past weekend. I was off on Friday for the first of 4 of my summer Friday’s. So we headed out early & the day was beautiful. As was Saturday & Sunday. Plenty of time was spent on the beach & I definitely got some sun… being that I can see a tanline. The most fun I had was Saturday night. Jordan’s Fire Department had a party. A party honoring crazy hats & costumes. We all had decided to go as Pimps & Ho’s. The girls were the Pimps & we were the Ho’s. Jordan had found me some girl’s shirt that was tighter then any of my tank tops. We both were wearing black shorts but I ofcourse had to roll mine up to be Daisy Duke style. Jillian told me that I had hot girl legs & I wasn’t sure if I should be ashamed or proud. Thank God Mr. Ericho showed up & the first thing he said was ‘Sexy legs handsome’. I’m sure some of you are thinking ‘Obvi you would be the Ho’ & don’t worry I didn’t let you down. While waiting to go in, an old man on a bike was taking what could be his evening stroll. I don’t think he was ready for the sight of us. So I’m sure I didn’t help that by saying aloud ‘Fifty bucks Grandpa, for Seventy-Five the wife can watch’. We went on to turn heads all night. Unexpectantly, I became a ladies man. A lady in a green hat was determined I was gonna be her American gigolo. Bless her heart is all I should say. In the midst of all this Jordan had an alarm & had to rush off to a scene. While still in his sequined top. Which left me with the ladies & my now two favorite straight couples Dawne & Pablo….Jillian & Drew. After the party we changed into regular clothes & decided to keep the party going at a local bar where we met more drunk straight girls. That seemed to be the theme for the night. One went up to Drew & asked if he wanted to be put into a headlock. He didn’t even get to say no when all of a sudden she puts him into one. I thought Dawne was gonna kick some ass but instead she used words. She decided to introduce the girl to Drew’s ‘fiance’ Jillian. That ended that but then she set her sights on me. Until after a few words & she goes, “Wait, are you gay?” To which I said a polite, “Yes.” Her reply was, “So does this mean you’re not attracted to me at all???” Fishing for something to say……”Hmmm, I like your hair.” Normally I may have thought of something better to say. But, c’mon! I was drunk by this point. If I become a rapper maybe my name could be LL Cool N. Short for ladies love cool Nick.

It ain’t easy being cheesy!

But Lord knows I try. And try I did. And this time I succeeded. A good time was had by all. On Sunday I took some much needed me, myself & I time just walking around alone on the beach & around town. By the afternoon I was finally all beached out & felt the need to return to the city. I was outvoted & we didn’t go home until late at night. So that leaves me this next weekends festivities. The time has come & my birthday is literally right around the corner. Nickakah begins this Thursday the 26th. Actual bday the 31st. Expect shenanigans & fun & good times. This Leo wouldn’t have it any other way.

Its been over a month since I’ve last blogged. Thats the longest I’ve ever gone. Without so much as a peep, I hope you’ve enjoyed the silence. Its not that I have been without fun & good times & a minimum amount of scandal. Pride weekend was so much fun that I had to take off of work that following Monday. Thing is, I told them I was gonna take it off the Thursday before. Which had me wondering…….I must be getting older because I’m now starting to plan my hangovers! We all had a great drunk time & you can even see by some of the latest pics I uploaded. And yes, I did go back to blonde. I talked to my sister yesterday to wish her a happy 19th bday & she asked are those old pics or they new. So yeah folks, even my little sister can’t keep up with how often I change my hair color.

Today we’re closing the agency at 1 & yesterday the internet & internal emails were all jacked up. Man of man, what people did without it I do not know. I found myself doing actual busy work! Nah, I kid….I kid!! It can stay busy but it was so annoying to not even be able to properly check my email. Plus, I was dying to blog about something that happenned on Sunday while at the Christopher Street Pier. See, for those who don’t run off to Fire Island every weekend that is more or less New Yorkers gay beach. Well, maybe not the actual water & sand but its the place the gay boys can go to get half naked in speedos with a little sun & some people to watch or to be watched. I was with Vadim, Tommy, John, Chase & our new found friend Matt. Like usual we were chatting about the previous nights events & what not. Vadim & I were wishing that we had brought a Poland Spring with magic juice in it. I’m telling ya, Poland Spring makes everything better. It would have enhanced the highlarious things we kept witnessing. There was this man with an older woman who couldn’t keep their hands off each other. They were doing this tantric like yoga/massage. Massaging each others head & at one point she literally was riding him. If I had had pearls, I would have clutched them! Tommy said she must have had at least 3 orgasms at this point. We all decided that if it had been 2 hot men, no one would have been bothered at all. Hell, I woulda been all hot & bothered even if was a hot straight couple. But ya know what, Samantha Fox said it best. Naughty old ladies need love too. Ok so I remixed it…..you luvs it!

It was shortly after that we all noticed this black drag queen walking by with her big white bulldog. She was dressed in all black like the Omen with full on beard. She was just on the cover of Next magazine a few weeks ago. It was devoted to all the different types of gays. So once I saw the beard I completely recognized her. On the other side of us, we had this Dad & Mom & kid flying a kite. Why they felt the need to fly a kite so close to everyone makes no sense. Vadim says, “Do you know how many people die from kite accidents each year?” We all scoffed & then asked how many. “Many,” he said with a chuckle. “But mark my words, no good will come of them flying this kite.” Shortly after that the kite goes crashing upon this man’s head. The Dad made no apologies & kept trying to fly it. The kid was yelling with excitement while mom kind of looked on in embarassment. Once again, the kite hovered over way too many people. I could hear a few people mutter under their breathe ‘if that kite hits me so help me…’

It was then that we didn’t need to worry anymore. As the kite began to go low to the ground, out of nowhere came the drag queens dog. With one ferocious pounce he had the kite on the ground ripping it to shreds. The kid starting yelling ‘leave my kite alone!’ Everyone in view of this spectacle starting laughing….including myself. Then it was completely on for me when the drag queen says in the most deep but non threatening voice, “No, Douglas. Bad Douglas. Stop.” All the while holding the leash as if she could not be bothered. Douglas the Destroyer literally made my day. He was not about to let go as he ripped it apart. He was clearly on a mission to take a bite of kite crime. Now if the kid had started to cry then I may have felt bad. But then, an innocent by-standard tried to help them. He got what was left of the kite out of Douglas’ mouth & went to give it to the dad. The dad then says, “No thanks, get away from me with your gay ass.” Then apparently said something else homophobic. Then the guy said, “Oh thats a good way to be considering where you are right now you dumbass. What a good thing to teach your kid.” He walked away & the dad grabbed his kid & walked the other way as well. Douglas & the drag queen had started to go on their way as well. She had even offered to pay for the kite. Laying on the ground was what was left of the kite. A fan part of it & oh by the way, the kite was rainbow colored. It was all wonderfully ironic. The homophobic dad with the rainbow colored kite gets his just desserts from a black drag queen in a beard with her big white bulldog.

And this I MUST add. While this was going on I said aloud, “Someone should record this & put it on youtube!” Thats when I look to my side & see that another guy is doing JUST that. So have a laugh, watch the video & praise Douglas the Destroyer. Fighting homophobia one kite at a time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FijEKuk2M-o